Copyright (c) 2022 Revised Edition by Unus Vocate.
SUSAN (continued)
She lay down on the bed and with the weariness that comes only from physical exhaustion, was instantly asleep. She had been living on the streets of Chicago for a couple of months now and the ordeal of having no place to rest, of not being allowed to sleep, of constantly walking and being without food; had brought her to a state of complete exhaustion. She sleep soundly, like a someone lost to this world, deep in a death like state of unconsciousness.
The next morning he awoke at around 6:00 A.M. as was his normal routine. He got up from the uncomfortable couch, its broken and irregular springs had poked at him and bothered him all thru the night, and went in the bath room to shower and make himself presentable.
Hanging in the bath room and very nearly dry, were all of Susans' personal possessions in the world. One bra, one pair of panties, a faded pair of Levies, a khaki colored blouse and one pair of, worn out, tennis shoes.
"Poor girl." He thought as he looked at her things. "She has so little while I have so much. I hope she'll let me share some of my money and maybe even a part of my life with her."
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Finished with his freshening up, he walked over to the bed room and rapped sharply on
the door.
"Susan? ... Susan! It's time to get up."
She had been sound asleep when he knocked. Startled by the loud knocking sound she sat up and looked around the room, trying to figure out where she was. "Oh yes, I remember now. That nice boy Teddy and his apartment."
She felt a warm glow of appreciation spread over her now well rested body. "What do you want?" She asked sweetly as she assumed an alluring position on the bed and arranged the blanket so it just barely covered over the femininity of her body.
"It's about six thirty. I thought we could have some breakfast and then go out job hunting."
She made no reply. She found to her surprise that she was disappointed to learn that he had come -- only to wake her up.
"Susan? Are you awake?"
"Yes, yes. I'm awake. I'll be right out."
"Alright. I'll be in the kitchen."
She got up, wrapped the towel around herself, then opening the door, peeked out to see if he was there; she couldn't see him but she could hear him moving around in the kitchen, getting their breakfast ready. Going into the bath room, she dressed, combed her hair and tried to make herself look pretty.
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When she came in the kitchen, she was shy and withdrawn and didn't even look at him as she sat down. "Good morning Susan. Hey you're lookin' good today!"
He said as he served up their breakfast; of eggs, toast, and milk. "You look so well rested and refreshed. Maybe I'm good for your health? Maybe you should think about hanging around with me for a while?"
She didn't answer him as she took out a cigarette, lit up, then hid behind a cloud of smoke.
"Susan, will you please look at me?"
She looked up to meet his eyes then quickly looked back down again.
"Will you spend some time with me today?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Good. There's lots of things for us to do. And I think you will enjoy yourself."
They finished their breakfast, cleaned up the dishes together, then walking hand and hand, went down to the street, to where he had parked his old wreck of a car.
She was surprised that he opened the door for her, held it open as she got in, then politely closed it after her, just like gentlemen used to do for their ladies. As they drove the short ways out to Skokie, she couldn't help but to feel happy to have met him and was even feeling somewhat optimistic about the future. Life wasn't so bad after all. There were still some good people around, like Ted, who could make it all worthwhile.
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They came to Skokie and after making the rounds of several uninviting factories, and being repeatedly disappointed, and getting more and more discouraged as the day went on -- finally she came out from one dismal looking Personnel Office with a light hearted bounce to her stride. She was, oh so very happy, as she got in the car and then just sat there smiling at him.
"I got a Job!" She said as her personal satisfaction and yes, even pride, came pouring out in a smile.
"That's great!"
"I start at $3. an hour."
"Not bad to start. That's about $120. for a forty hour week. Not bad." Then, in a serious tone of voice, he asked, "When do you start?"
"Next Monday."
"So soon? I had hoped we could spend some more time together before you started. Today is Thursday and that gives us only four days before you go to work."
"We can still see each other after I've started working."
"Yeah I know. But I've worked in a factory before and I know you won't have much free time and then, when you are off, you'll be too tired to want to be with me."
"That's not true." She said as she reached over and reassuringly touched his hand.
"We'll have plenty of time for each other."
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"You promise?"
"Yes, of course."
Not wanting to compromise her happiness any further, he let the matter rest. However in his mind he had already decided he wouldn't let her waste her life away by being locked up every day in some dirty, low paying, factory job!
"I knew you could do it." He said to praise her.
She just sat there smiling at him.
After finding Susan a job, they returned to the Foster Street Apartment.
"Susan, my place is kinda small but there is room enough for you. What do you think, do you like it here? Do you think you would like to stay here for a while?"
It was small and very much a "Mans Place" but with a little work; some fresh paint, some curtains and some decent furniture; it could be made to be a real home. "It's a nice place but you wouldn't want someone like me living here with you?"
He moved closer to her and lifted her chin up to lightly kiss her lips. "Yes I would. Very much."
She smiled brightly and wanted to throw her arms around him and give him a real kiss! But instead of being so forward in her actions, she only stood there inviting him with her eyes. 40
"There is room here and you can see I like you. So it's settled! This is your new home."
"Thank you." She whispered as she looked at him with longing in her eyes.
Apparently not seeing the invitation in her eyes, he changed the subject. "Uh ... I'm a little short on groceries. Maybe we could walk to the I.G.A. Store, it's only a few blocks from here, and buy some more food. And, um, while we're out maybe we could stop by Good Will and get you another pair of jeans and a couple more shirts?"
"No, no. I don't need a lot of fancy stuff. These things I have on are just fine."
"As you like. Maybe we can do that some other time? Well, how about walking to the food store with me anyway."
They left the apartment happily, almost like children on a lark, but they had gone only about two blocks from his place when a tiny sound intruded on their happiness. It was a strange high pitched squeaking sound, a sound he couldn't recognize and so he quickly stopped and asked.
"What's that?"
"What?"
"A little cry, like a baby bird." Looking around, he noticed a small kitten laying out in the middle of the street. 41
"There it is!" He said as he spotted the tiny critter. Going out to pick it up, he brought it back to show Susan.
"It's lucky to be alive, what with all the cars that have passed by it."
It was only about two or three days old, its eyes were still closed and its coloring was the familiar gray-brown striping of a Tabby.
"I guess somebody didn't want this little guy but they didn't have the courage to kill it, so they just threw it out on the street so the cars would run over it"
She took the baby cat in her hands, in one hand actually since it was so small it could easily fit in the palm of her hand. "Oh the poor dear. She has just been born and already she's had a rough time of it."
He looked at the kitten, it was just one of the thousands of such ordinary "Alley Cats" that are abandoned each year and left outside to suffer what ever consequences that might befall them. And he thought about all the care it would take to make it live.
"Nobody wants that kitten." He stated bluntly.
"I want her." 42
"No you don't. You'd have to feed the little bugger many times thru out the day -- and night! And then, if it didn't die anyway due to the rough treatment its already had, you'd just end up with a plain old "Alley Cat!" She cuddled the kitten close to her cheek and made soft cooing noises in an attempt to quiet its constant crying.
"Here, give it to me." He ordered.
She didn't know what he wanted to do, she thought he just wanted to hold it, so she handed it over to him.
He took the crying kitten up to the alley then went around the corner and out of sight. She was wondering what he was going to do when the kittens' cries stopped abruptly. She ran up to the alley and looked in just in time to see him placing the limp body of the kitten in a garbage can.
"What happened?" She cried.
"I killed it."
"What?"
"Nobody wanted that cat. It was too plain, too common and it needed too much care. If it had lived, its life would've been nothing but suffering --"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I did what its master didn't have the guts to do. I put it beyond suffering.
I did it a favor.
I killed it" 43
He felt like he had been kind to the kitten, by snapping its neck and bringing it instant death. And now that the matter was resolved he wanted to continue on with their pleasant stroll to buy some groceries and also, hopefully, to buy Susan some new clothes.
Smiling sweetly, he reached out his hand towards her.
"Let's go."
She recoiled from him and shook her head, "No."
"What ... what's the matter?"
She pointed to the garbage can that now held the kittens' body and then, nervously putting her hand over her mouth, she turned and started running away.
"What the hell's the matter with her? I wasn't mean to that kitten. I killed it very quickly."
Running after her, he soon caught up and grabbing her by the arm, forced her to stop. "Let go of me!" she demanded as she jerked her arm free.
With his head bowed low, he put his hands in his pockets and simply stood there in silence beside her.
"How could you? How could you kill that helpless kitten?"
"I'm sorry." He replied meekly. "I only wanted to help it. To free it from its suffering."
She was shaking her head "No" in despair and turning away from him, started walking back towards the lakefront. 44
He followed along behind.
They walked on for several blocks like that, with Susan in front and leading the way, and with him behind and passively following her lead -- when she suddenly stopped and turned back towards him. "Go away! Leave me alone! I don't want to be with you -- ever! I'm going back to the streets where I belong!"
"Susan." He spoke weakly as his face began to break with sadness. "Please ... please don't leave me."
She looked at the boyish Ted, at the genuine sadness on his face and seeing that he was starting to cry, she took him in her arms and they stood there like that, holding onto each other, both of them softly crying.
Feeling embarrassed to be holding him like this in public, she broke away from him, and taking him by the hand, began walking back towards the apartment.
As if he were a child and didn't know any better she told him, "Ted, you shouldn't kill anything. Not even an animal. You should respect all living creatures and try to make life better for those who are suffering -- you shouldn't make things worse by being cruel to them. Don't you see that?"
"Yes ... I guess so." He answered hesitantly. He couldn't sympathize with her views but he knew now that he didn't want to part from her, so he accepted her criticism and pretended to agree. 45
Once back at the apartment she went into the bath room to wash her face and straighten her hair while he he sat in the living room and thought about this tender hearted woman, this Compassionate Soul, who had come into his life. When she turned to walk away, it was as if a part of himself had been suddenly torn away from somewhere deep inside and he realized then, that he wanted to share his whole life with her. As much as she would let him, and for so long as they could, he wanted to be with her.
When she came out of the bath room and returned to the living room, he stood up and opened his arms to her, letting his feelings come pouring out in one softly spoken word.
"Susan."
She looked at his honest, innocent face and knew that, deep down inside, he was really a caring person and again she began to cry as she went into his arms and they shared a long and passionate kiss.
Their first lovers kiss was a deep fulfillment for the both of them, it was as if they had lived all of their lives only for this moment, only to be in each others arms.
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He took her into the bed room and after helping her to undress, softly laid her down on the bed. Then, as she lay there watching him; enjoying every little movement, filled with desire for him; he took off his clothes and slipped onto the bed beside her. Tenderly kissing her, caressing her body with his hands; touching the most intimate recesses of her womanhood, he played with her senses till he couldn't resist any longer and sliding over on top of her, gently inserted himself into the inviting warmth of her body.
Slowly moving back and forth, teasing her with the threat of withdrawal then plunging deep in the softness of her vagina, stopping, holding onto her, again the slow moving build up of desire; arousing each other till they were caught up in the tempest and losing all control ... made the sweet surrender and gave themselves over to the consuming Passion.
Higher and higher; they took themselves up, reaching for the Ecstasy, living in the sensual delight, thrusting and withdrawing, working for the climax, pushing themselves, straining, until -- an explosion of pleasure swept thru their bodies, releasing all of their tensions and freeing them from the limitations of this world; giving them Joy, Satisfaction -- Fulfillment.
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Blending into one, they made a union of giving from two separate bodies. The intensity of their desire, the lovers storm of bodies pressing together, the softness of their lips united, the fulfillment of their giving, the spent urgency of their need; all wrapped around them, binding them together, holding them safely in the warm embrace of Love.
Together they held onto each other tightly, even after their need had been satisfied and they had given each other the ultimate in physical pleasure, still they clung desperately to each other. Without the formal words having been spoken, without the taking of solemn Vows, they had given each other the true essence of their Love.
Thru out the rest of the day and all during the night as they lay with their bodies intertwined; sleeping, kissing, loving; they knew the real meaning of love and the true reason for their lives.
It Was, It Is, To Share.
To give to another and with that act of sharing to become more. To grow beyond mere selfishness and to free the human condition from the shackles of everyday life, to expand out beyond the limits of one's own body and to embrace another soul with compassion.
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That was the meaning of their lives.
To Love, And Be Loved In Return.
Having found fulfillment in each others arms, they spent the rest of the day hidden away in the apartment. As the day grew on and they felt the barriers of pretense fall before them, Susan wanted to tell him about her past. Afraid that he wouldn't respect her any more when she told him about some of the unpleasant details of her life ... she began by meekly asking.
"Does it bother you to know that I was living on the streets, that I was living like ah ... like a Bum, before I met you?"
"No. I've been on the streets too. Remember that small scar on my stomach? I got that when I went to New York City on uh ... a Job Assignment. I ended up living on the streets then."
"Oh yeah, I see. But ... you have several scars on your body? I don't understand? ... What? When did that happen?"
He lowered his head and turned away from her.
"Alright! I won't push it. When you're ready, then we'll talk it over O.K.? ... When you're ready."
Seeing his reluctance to talk, she let the matter rest.
"So ... anyway, you know what it's like to live out on the streets; to have no money, no friends, and no place to go."
"Yes, I know what it's like." 49
"Ted? Can I tell you about something? Something I did, or I should say, that happened to me before I met you. Something I'm ashamed of."
"Yes, of course."
"Well, after I was in Chicago for about a week, I was sleeping in the Park and there were some boys who, uh, attacked me. They had me in some bushes and they ... they forced me to have sex with them."
She hesitated for a few moments then drew a deep breath and seemed to be struggling with her self about what she wanted to say. As she tried to come to terms with her own emotions, he remained silent and patiently waited for her to continue.
Actually, what she wanted to tell him about was how ashamed she had felt afterwards. After the gang rape.
She felt so discouraged that she had tried to kill herself. She got a bottle of Aspirins from a Drug Store, and after returning to the Park, she went back to the very same clump of bushes where she had been raped and then forced herself to consume all of the Aspirins in the bottle.
(Her throat was so dry, she was only able to swallow a few of the Aspirins whole, most of them were chewed up and swallowed like food -- their bitter taste becoming stronger and more unpleasant with each one she took.)
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And then, she had laid down to die. But instead of the numbing forgetfulness of Death, she had only made herself suffer thru yet another Ordeal. Within a couple of hours she became extremely ill and vomited up all of the Aspirins she had so laboriously taken. Then she had simply lay there in her own wastes; totally exhausted, dizzy, and with a loud ringing noise in her ears; unable to walk or even to crawl to a different place for two whole days. After two long, hell-like days had passed, she had been able to recuperate enough to get up and get some water to drink and clean herself off.
She wanted to tell about her attempted suicide but she just couldn't. She was afraid she would lose him if she told him about all of the stupid things she had done in her life, and so she would not tell him about this.
"Ted?"
"Yes."
"That happened only about a month before we met."
"Then I wish we had met one month, no, two months sooner."
"Are you ashamed of me for having, uh, for having been attacked?"
"No sweetheart, I'm not. I'm only sorry those bad things happened to you, that's all."
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"Do you still love me?" She asked, apparently very much ashamed for having been victimized, but really what she was ashamed of was having tried to commit suicide.
"Yes, I will always love you, and I will always want you by my side. Susan, I need you. And I think that you need me too. We don't have to be concerned about what has happened in the Past, the only thing that really matters is that we have found each other and now we can always be together. To love and care for each other. That's all that matters."
Feeling reassured, she snuggled up close beside him, happy to have found some place in this painful world where someone so lowly, like herself, might find some redemption and security in her life. Happy to have found a place of shelter in his arms.
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As the Summer turned to Fall and the happy days they were privileged to share together moved steadily on, they would often take advantage of the luxury of Free Time to enjoy some of the simple pleasures in life. Among the many things they both like doing, was exercising and often times being amused, simply by taking long walks thru the ever changing metropolis of Chicago.
One day they were out walking on the north side of the City, near to the Foster Street Apartment, when they spotted an old and dirty looking man, a Bum, who was going thru a garbage can, apparently looking for food.
Susan stopped and stared at him, and with a sympathy born of shared experience, thought to herself of the mans' desperate position in life. Then, innocently and without considering the possible consequences of her words, she turned to Ted and said, "Look at that poor man over there."
He had noticed the man before but now that she had spoken, he looked again to see if there was anything unusual about him, something that would cause her to feel sorry for him.
There wasn't. He was just another Bum.
One of the many such lost souls who wander about, aimlessly drifting with no higher purpose nor redeeming value to their lives.
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The Bum wasn't unusual in any noticeable way but for some reason she had felt an immediate and personal kinship with him and the sadness on her face told him, she was sharing in the mans' misfortunes.
Then, not realizing that her words would cause a great crisis to occur in their lives, she said, "I feel so sorry for him. His life is so wasted! I only wish I could help him somehow. Take him and with my own two hands, make everything all right for him again."
Ted looked at her face and seeing the depth of her concern, said, "I can help him. If you really want me to?"
"Oh yes, please! Let's do something, anything we can, to help him."
He reached in his pocket and took out the two shot Derringer he often carried when they went out walking. Cocking it, he began walking towards the Bum.
Seeing him walk towards the man with a loaded pistol in his hand, she screamed out -- "No!"
He stopped and looked back at her with a blank expression on his face. "I can help him. I thought that's what you wanted?"
Putting her hands up to her face, she was shaking her head from side to side as she kept repeating, "No. No. No." 54
The Bum was kneeling over, half way into the garbage can by now, totally unawares as to what was going on just a few steps away.
"What were you going to do?" She asked in astonishment as Ted returned to her side.
"End his suffering." He said as he carefully lowered the hammer and put the little gun back in his pocket.
She could hardly believe this had happened. Shocked to the core, she was dazed and trembling as she turned and started walking back to the apartment. He tried to comfort her as they walked but she was far beyond his ability to help and they made their way thru the streets like that; with Susan confused and shaken, and with him holding on to her, talking low and trying to soothe away the pain.
When they got back to the apartment, he took her into the bed room and laid her down so she might better recuperate from the shock he had given her.
After getting a cold wash cloth to place on her forehead and letting her rest for a few minutes, she was able to get firmer grip on her emotions and coming out from the state of shock, she immediately turned on him and demanded, "My God! What's the matter with you?" 55
"Nothing." He answered bitterly.
She shoved him away --
"Nothing? Nothing? God Damn You! Are you crazy or what? Answer me -- You were going to kill that poor man weren't you?"
He didn't answer, instead he only turned and looked at the wall.
She pushed him again.
"Answer me -- God Damn It!"
"What?"
"You were gonna kill that man weren't you?"
"Yeah. So what?"
"So what? So what? You Crazy Son of a Bitch! Get the hell away from me!" Again she pushed him --
In a flash of anger, he turned and slapped her across the face. Splitting open her lip and causing blood to run down from the side of her month.
"Stupid Bitch!" He said as he raised his hand to strike her again. But when he saw the blood; her blood, the blood of someone he loved oh so very much; begin to spill ... he felt ashamed for having hurt her and he lowered his hand.
She collapsed in the corner of the bed and was crying to her self while the bright happiness she had felt with him began to fade away, and all of her hopes for a better tomorrow began to dissolve in the acid like bitterness of his cruelty.
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to be continued
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